Thursday, February 3, 2011

Judgement, fear and anxiety, oh my!

Yesterday, I finished writing at 6:30 am while at work.  However, when I got home, I sat and watched TV and ate rather than post what I had written for my blog.  Why?  Not realizing it until many calories later, it was fear.
I ate lunch with my husband around noon.  I made pizza with loads of veggies and turkey sausage, and salad.  We ate then were ready to get back to our tasks at hand.  But no I still had the urge to eat.  I wanted something sweet, but knowing that I shouldn’t, I ate something else.  After that was finished, I still craved something sweet.  So around two o’clock, I gave in and ate some ice cream.  I informed myself that I was done eating and decided to face what was eating at me.  I could start to see and feel what the problem was.  Anxiety!
How is it that we can be honest with our neighbors, but not with the world.  Why do we hide?  In my opinion, it’s fear of judgment.  We are so busy worrying what others are going to think, judge, or say, that we work hard to spin our words in order to protect ourselves.  Insert Jack Nicholson here, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!”
Have we become so programmed by Uncle Screwtape’s nephews that we really can’t handle the truth?  No I don’t think this is the case.  I think we are scared of what the truth can produce….JUDGMENT.  We tend to fear judgment because we think it’s going to always be bad, sometimes feeling like it will destroy us.
When we live in fear of what matters, we can cripple ourselves into bad habits that can become addictions, take over our lives and harm us more than truth ever could.  Sure the truth can hurt, but it can’t destroy you.  The habits that form from avoiding the truth can destroy us.  My eating yesterday can lead to heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, and the list goes on and on. 
In the bible we read in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  When we are trapped in the “gerbil wheel “cycle of fear, it renders us powerless, loveless, and definitely not of a sound mind, but can cripple our mind completely.  Wow!  What power we have, and when we hand it over to fear, it can end up running our life.
Okay, so I’m really talking about myself.  Yesterday was such a powerful lesson for me to experience.  I want to help others, and it’s usually through helping others that we learn the most.  I will put this scripture in my bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room, to remind me what I am willingly giving up when I allow fear to take over.  No more I say!  It’s time to face those fears head on, like I used to do when I was growing up.  Being honest is true freedom!  Look what it gives a person, Power, love and a sound mind!  Just the sound mind part is wonderful in a house full of teenagers!  I commit myself to a life full of power, love and a sound mind, wow! Now that’s a life for me…….I will remember compassion in my honesty, and still work on my delivery, but honesty with myself and others will set me free! And…..yes, I got on the treadmill this morning and started to work off all that fear and anxiety I gulped down yesterday, really!

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