I started this blog, to help others, while taking my own journey. I have issues, just like everyone; however, all the books I’ve read are by people who are “finished”. So the perspective of every book is “been there done that”. I wanted and craved after the “during” part, the “ugly” part, where I could read the struggles, the triumphs and lows as it was happening, so that I would know what was happening to me, was what I could expect, or wow, maybe something someone else missed, or just didn’t experience and for support during these times.
I couldn’t find such a book, so I decided to be my own book, that if there were even one person out there that thought the same as me, that they could benefit from my story, my struggles, my highs and lows.
So last weekend were some very difficult days for me. I was experiencing conflict in the form of a painful knot right in my solar plexus area, the gut! I turned cranky, then down-right mean as Saturday wore on, to finally a full out temper tantrum towards my kids. I finally had to humble myself and sit with my daughter and apologize over and over until around midnight. That knot stayed all weekend and I was on edge still Tuesday evening. I ended up sleeping on the couch because I wouldn’t see reason with myself or my behavior.
When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I had a very spiritual day planned and knew that no benefit would come for me if I did not work out the conflict going on inside. As I quietly sat meditating on what was going on, the answer started to pour out of me. I am going against my nature.
How many of us go against our nature? You know, the bad habits that have just become who we are, and when we try to change for the better, we feel wrong inside and end up reverting back to the way we were, or where we feel comfortable. We don’t question the ill-at-ease feelings; we just revert back as fast as possible? I’ve grown very accustomed to this feeling. It would always end up the same way – me eating cake, bakery items and a lot of it, not at once, just portion sizes, but always finishing everything until I’ve gained back all that I had lost.
Well, like always, I’d tell myself this time is going to be different. But always I would revert back to old ways of comforting myself, because I would not deal “in” the discomfort. Fear kept me from working through the discomfort, going into the discomfort and finding out what it wants and not giving in to the adversary, the voices of discouragement filtering into my head, leading me back to the bakery.
Hence this blog, I will document my struggles, my triumphs, my highs and lows, in hopes that some might benefit. I have a network of wonderful people surrounding me, mentoring me and training me to help others through my experience.
My ultimate goal is to become a life coach, so that I can help others reach a better place in their lives, To lift others out of the “pit of despair”. I know that my life’s work is to help show that clouds really do have silver linings when we are in tune with our Heavenly Father. I will be honest, for no progress can come without true honesty. I know it’s not going to easy, but as I have experience the last 20 years of this journey, it’s worth it, but it hasn’t destroyed me. Faith + knowledge = growth. Stay with me, grow and experience with me, and together we’ll move mountains!
And enter that lousy feeling knot! I am sure it’s going to be there for a while. I will not run from it! I won’t!
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